I saw more than my fair share of shrinks growing up and as a product, it's a well established fact that asking me "and how does that make you feel" will get you nothing but a sarcastic smirk with white knuckle and generally a "peachy keen" hissed out of clenched teeth. Lately though I have another phrase I have come to hate almost as much.
Its not often I go to people for advice and there arn't that many people I confide in to begin with. So when I do finally talk to someone and I hear "Just get over it" my hackles raise a bit. Have people really forogtten what friendship is about? Or have they become lazy to the point of not wanting to even take a second to think about giving real advice. This has become a major button for me and lately a few people have stomped on it. I'm not sure what bugs me most, that they presume to know everything about the situation (especially when you've only told them half of it) or that they can take something that obviously means a lot to me and discard it.
I'm one of those people that others confide in. I believe the term used most frequently has been 'accepting.' Not only that, I don't actually like standing by when I can see someones going through a rough patch. So when asked for advice, I usually make myself comfortable because unless its what shoes to wear, I take it seriously and it could take some time. You never know when your input is the one that will make the difference. I want to hear the whole story and all the internal dialogue before I make any statement that may have an impact. I take the time to think about both sides of things, the different possible outcomes of whatever situation, the consequences and what I know about that person. And most importantly, I'm honest with the person. Very rarely is my feedback one sentence and very rarely is it ever a question (I hate it when people just say "well what do you think you should do?" would I be asking for your opinion if I already knew?). More then a few talks have started with "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but," and I always hope that person takes it for what it is, my thoughts and interpretation.
That's not to say that sometimes "I honestly don't know" isn't my answer. There are just some areas of life that I have not yet experienced and rather than make up something that sounds good, I'd prefer not to lead a friend astray. I do what I can which is probably why I'm so frustrated at the many that do way less then they are capable of.
That being said, I know I'm horrible at taking others advice. I'm stubborn and too independent for my own good. This is also why I don't often ask for advice, because I know that about myself. Now I don't ask for advice because it seems people don't actually want to take the time to consider what they are saying and what impact it may have on a person. In life there is no 'getting over it,' there is only learning to live with it. And for those out there that think "just get over it" is a 'good' piece of advice, well now you know why I haven't answered your phone calls.
